so much depends
upon
a red wheel
barrow
glazed with rain
water
beside the white
chickens.
When, I think of the word potential, the memory of this poem is the first bit of stored information that pushes itself into my conscious thought. When an individual reads this poem, their initial response may be something like, "What?" or "This is stupid", and it is because they fail to realize that what makes William Carlos Williams' poem particularly profound is because he has captured, in very few words, the potential of this wheel barrow. One can imagine it hauling chicken feed, firewood for a long winter, or perhaps mulch for the farmer's garden. In my head, I see this wheel barrow whizzing around on its creaky wheels from task to task across the gravel covered property of the farmer (who I assume owns it). The poem is so simple, yet so genius (notice each stanza actually looks like a wheel barrow). I can only wonder what such a poem would look like if it could capture the concept of human potential in a similar way.
As I wonder where the wheel barrow will go until it is broken and no longer able to be used, so too I wonder where I am going, what will happen to me, and how much am I capable of carrying.
Concerning the first question, I know that I am heading towards a bachelors degree in English, but what I'll end up doing with it, I'm not sure. For several months now, I've been pondering the idea of grad school: it would make me undeniably happy to be able to study for a Master of Fine Arts in creative writing with an emphasis in poetry, but whether such a wish will become reality is beyond my internal crystal ball.
Isn't it funny, how it seems easier to guess at the larger turns of one's life (such as eventual marriage) then for one to predict the many smaller curves that are capable of changing one's route--and consequently one's desires and needs--entirely? One would think that it would be much simpler for the individual to discern what the outcome of these lighter choices would be, but I suppose the problem is that one cannot foresee what the rest of the world will decide to do and how it will change or not change anything, which answers my question as to why I won't know what outside events will occur in my small sphere of existence.
How much am I capable of carrying? Hmmm...I don't think any single person can answer that question fully until he or she is no longer a part of this world or on his or her deathbed: by then I would assume that a person would be aware of his or her own capacity. But for now, I can answer that question in simple terms. There is a lot that I am currently carrying both psychologically and emotionally, yet I know that even now I am beginning to push my limits as to how much I can deal with internally and still be able to successfully navigate the outside aspect of my existence.
I am learning how to better handle the warring country in my soul day by day; I'm writing more, both in this blog and on a website where the goal is to write 3 pages a day, and it does wonders for me because I am forced to face the upsets and hopes that I hide behind an agenda of pressing needs. You see, that's the problem: when one continues to neglect the most serious matters of the mind (such as constantly feeling like a failure) it creates a back up that is similar to the overly powerful river that breaks through the dam. Once those walls are broken--the precious agenda completely overcome--it is incredibly difficult to restore.
This semester, I want to do a better job at everything: my schoolwork, my time management, my money, how I handle the responsibility of being an adult. I want to be able to look back at my freshman spring semester and be proud of how wisely and well I lived my life for four months. God is embodied within me, which means excellence already exists within my soul. I want to live up to that excellence, to my potential as a child of God.
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