He's the only one who can see sentences like, "Oh my goodness, this writer is so powerful and purposeful with their words and...could I ever write such a beautiful phrase?" or "Look at all these poetry volumes advertised! So much competition! Could I ever get a book's worth of my poetry published?"
Thus, I end up momentarily dropping my book on my lap or throwing my edition of The American Poetry Review over my head like-so:
I feel this pressure to be some kind of poetic prodigy; I keep thinking about writers like Sylvia Plath and Edna St. Vincent Millay who showed enormous promise in their youth and I want to be able to look at my own work and see that same promise.
Sure, I definitely have written exceptional poems, but it's cost me even more ok poems or just-plain-crappy poems: there are certain pieces I've done that I go back and read with a pleased smile, while there are other poems that I can't bear to read because they're so amateurly repulsive. Poetry is much like photography in the sense that you have to 'take multiple shots' to create a piece of art worth showing. I often have a hard time being ok with that.
I don't want to be a good poet to gain notoriety (truthfully the grandest of my ambitions is for one of my poems to be featured in an English textbook), but simply to be able to do something well. I love words, I deeply admire savvy writers, I wish I could spend all of my school days studying poetry: better put, poetry is the heart of me.
Yet, I know that the poets I aspire to be like didn't start composing moving, original work until they were much older than I am. How can I write insightfully and truthfully about life if I have only just began to really explore it? I guess I've never thought about the numerous poems that were never published by distinguished writers because they too realized that, at one point, their poetic skills direly needed improvement.
I'll continue to handle the anxious moments that remind me of how young I am at writing, but I'll also remember the kind compliments friends have given me on my wordy creations and, more importantly, the first time I showed one of my poems to a professor and he looked up at me and said, "You have talent."
Amen, sister! I have been debilitated as a writer for the past three years (may I emphasize that again: three years) because I was putting so much pressure on myself to create something great that I couldn't bring myself to create at all. This year I am challenging myself to write more and worry less. At times like this I like to have a handy quote nearby for encouragement, such as: "Almost all good writing begins with terrible first efforts." -Cathy Day, and "You know, I couldn't have written this story when I was 33. Life provides all sorts of terrible obstacles and only later do you realize that they are really all for the good." -David Seidler, 73, author of The King's Speech. Hopefully those fortify you as they did me, and I wish you all the best in your wordy endeavors!
ReplyDeleteP.S. We should be friends.
My dear, I thought we were already friends. But if you mean that we should further this acquaintance, then I wholeheartedly agree. I'm also trying to write more this year. I read about this sight the other day and I'm giving it a go: http://750words.com/ Maybe you'd be interested.
ReplyDeleteYes, of course we are! I meant good friends (like friends who spend time with each other outside of the random coincidental run-ins - wherein you clean my bathroom and we talk - that currently compose our friendship). We could end up loathing each other upon closer acquaintance, but I highly doubt that.
ReplyDeleteI looked at the site and I think I just might try it. I've been writing a teensy tiny bit every day, but it's not nearly enough. This could really get those creative juices flowing. I found a site called oneword.com that I like to use for randomized inspiration. It's simple, but you might like it.
I read your blog about the one word website and it sounds pretty legit. I might try it.
ReplyDeleteThe website I showed you I tried for the first time today, and it was pretty fun. It reminded me of the kind of poetry I've been reading lately that consists of rambling paragraphs discussing a theme or something in the author's life.
Besides, we both know practice makes perfect.