Another Psalm: 'Job of my Heart' (in the biblical pronunciation)

Job of my Heart

Can I trust you with my heart, God?

I confess I don’t know how.

What would it look like

For me to open up

The all-too essential organ

That so deeply influences

All that I do?

My Father,

I would want to burn my sins

In a purging fire of my own design

But still, they would resist the heat

And stay wickedly unmelted.

If I give them to you

Regardless, I can see them

Haunting me with the guilt of my intentions.

How, Abba—

How will you restore

This vile black pit

That has become a vast marsh?

Can you witness

The cyclical rejection of myself—

Of what you have lovingly created—

Stand before my corrupted psyche

To give me the love and hope

I am dying for?

Oh my Father,

I fall in prostration  

Before your sacred being—

Stretching out like a woman fatally wounded

As she feels her life’s liquid seeping onto icy concrete.

I am reaching towards you, Abba,

But how can I ascend into your peace

If you do not let the Holy Spirit

Gently repair the utter destruction

Of my identity?

I am reaching for you, Father,

I am waiting for you.